Immanuel Kant was a real pissant
who was very rarely stable.
Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar
who could think you under
the table.
David Hume could out-consume Schopenhauer and Hegel.
And Wittgenstein was a beery swine
who was just as schloshed
as Schlegel.
There's nothing Nietzsche couldn't teacha
'bout the raising of the
wrist.
Socrates, himself, was permanently pissed.
John Stuart Mill, of his own free will,
On a half a pint of schandy
was particularly ill.
Plato, they say, could stick it away,
Half a crate of whiskey
every day.
Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle.
And Hobbes was fond of his
dram.
And Rene Descartes was a drunken fart,
``I drink, therefore I am.''
Yes, Socrates himself is particularly missed,
A lovely little thinker,
but a bugger when he's pissed.